Wisdom In Young Adult Children

These two verses in Proverbs 23 talk about every Christian parent’s greatest dream and prayer for their children.  It is a blessing to see it come true.

Possessing Wisdom Blesses Parents

Proverbs 23:15 ESV “My son, if your heart is wise, my heart too will be glad.”

This verse talks about the joy that comes to a person when they are wise and live in wisdom.  Beyond that, nothing blesses a father’s or mother’s heart more than godly wisdom in their children, the first signs of it as teenagers, and then moreso as adults themselves.  

They navigate life well for the glory of God in morality, marriage, family, friends, church, world, in finances, life skills, in becoming truly wise, in trials and the hope of eternal life.  These are the major subjects covered throughout the collection of Proverbs. 

Above all they have a healthy vibrant growing relationship with God.  They exhibit a true and abiding spirituality based upon the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

Speaking Wisdom Causes Extreme Joy

Proverbs 23:16 ESV “My inmost being will exult when your lips speak what is right.”

Verse 16 escalates the expression of gladness or joy by referencing (literally) the “kidneys.”  In the Hebrew mindset, it is the kidneys that were the seat of the emotions.  And so, the father here is talking about having the deepest joy possible in his whole being, even throughout his being.  

This is because, knowing our children have wisdom is one level of joy, but seeing them put it in action, even speak publicly to instruct others in wisdom, this is what causes an extreme joy in the inner being of parents!

When we as parents actually hear Wisdom from God spoken by our sons and daughters to others, our hearts are filled with delight.

Taking Pleasure in the Right Desires 

Some of us are currently living in this satisfaction; others of us are working on it and looking forward to it.

If you believe you missed your opportunity, there is still hope because our God pursues young adults to bring them to the point where they realize that, “The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge; fools despise wisdom and instruction.” (Proverbs 1:7)  So, keep on learning yourself, and praying for your adult children.

If you are a teenage son or teenage daughter, it is still proper to desire to please your parents, especially in this matter of displaying wisdom.  So, study the Proverbs; it is for you, as it says in the introduction, “to give prudence to the simple, knowledge and discretion to the youth.” (Proverbs 1:4)

If you are a parent, it is proper and right to be filled with delight over your heritage of wisdom gained through your parenting.  And yet there is still so much to learn; Proverbs is for you to study, as the collection’s introduction states, “let the wise hear and increase in learning, and the one who understands obtain guidance.” (Proverbs 1:5)

Let Your Teenagers Do Whatever They Want

About the time our teenagers turn 16 or 17 we have the “yes” talk.  This talk is when we let them know that we trust them, and that for whatever they want to do the answer will almost always be “yes” based upon three conditions.  

It is a whole lot easier operating with a general stance of permission, than having to evaluate every situation in detail before granting permission or not.  Besides, we as parents get tired of saying “no” and it is no fun.

There are only three conditions they are responsible to maintain.  And we share these with them.  (I am indebted to my friend John for teaching me this.  So far, it has worked well for us.)

1.  They have a growing relationship with Christ.  



This will be easily observed by the devotional habits they choose to keep, and their enjoyment of their church family.  It will be obvious by a generally happy and pleasant disposition.  And they will often initiate spiritual conversation and move conversations in this direction.

2.  They have an open relationship with their parents. 

Conversation flows easily.  It is more than about general topics, but topics of value to a family that loves and cares for one another.  There is mutual respect and trust.  This needs to be measured from the parents’ point of view.  It is up to the teenagers to make their parents feel connected to their lives. 

3.  They have a recent history of making wise choices. 

Freedom needs to be valued and handled wisely.  They are known for making healthy and godly choices for themselves, especially when it effects others around them.  Basically, this means they are doing a good job making decisions and enjoying activities.

Certainly, there is a lot more involved in parenting, especially teenagers.  But sharing the confidence you have in your son or daughter with them will encourage and inspire them to greater and greater things.  They are wanting to do more and more, and become their own person.  

Mistakes will be made, even foolish ones.  This is how we learn and grow toward maturity and maturity in Christ.  These are opportunities to hold adult level talks, take responsibility, pray together, make things right, and move onward and upward.

Besides, it is time to move out of the instruction phase of parenting and step into the coaching phase of parenting and help your sons and daughters reach all their God-given potential.  This is our goal and joy as parents.

A Mission Agency That Didn't Share The Gospel

While in college many Christian students enjoy serving in high school ministry.  My experience was short-lived since I had to quit within the year before I got fired.

The Arrangement Seemed a Win-Win

It was a partnership between a mainline church and an evangelical parachurch youth ministry.  This particular church was welcoming to evangelicals and taught the Bible well.  However, the Gospel took on a intellectually refined quality so as not to offend people in this highly affluent community.

Their youth ministry was struggling.  Along came an opportunity to partner with an evangelical group that had a good reputation, and seemed to be good at attracting and engaging teenagers.  By allowing them space to meet at the church it could be a win-win for both ministries.

Warning Signs Started to Show

I was recruited to the parachurch ministry by an outgoing volunteer.  Having passed the hasty interview and listening to a brief review of ministry philosophy I was on my way to ministering the Gospel to hundreds of high school students!  So I thought.

The leader of this ministry did a good job of gathering the students for the weekly meetings held at the church.  We had a lot of fun together, and we enjoyed small group discussions about various topics, from life challenges, to contemporary controversies, to simple Bible application.

After observing his upfront teaching for many months it become clear that this leader was not communicating the Gospel of Jesus Christ in a clear and compelling manner, on purpose.  We talked about this a few times and the reasons given were not to upset the host church, to keep up attendance and believing that God would somehow save some of them anyway.

The Home Visit

Part of the student ministry involved one-on-one time together outside of the weekly meetings.  I followed the philosophy of ministry and just befriended this one young man, hung out with him, even tutored him in geometry a little.  My goal was to keep him active in our weekly ministry, but I was not supposed to share God’s plan of salvation with him or try to disciple him.  The leader and the church would take care of these things I was told.

One day after we finished geometry early, he started asking me questions about Jesus Christ.  He heard about Jesus from our ministry and wanted direct and honest answers.  He said he couldn’t quite piece it all together from the large group meetings.  It was obvious that the Holy Spirit was working on this boy’s heart as he talked in wonder about Jesus Christ the Son of God become Man, and expressed hope that he had for relief from his sin and struggles if he could just figure it out.  

At first, I followed the party line, but he saw through it and kept pushing me to answer his questions.  He really did want to know, so I shared the Gospel with him fully and clearly.  After answering a few more questions, then with understanding and delight in his eyes he received the forgiveness of sins and free gift of eternal life in Jesus Christ.  This was an awesome afternoon!  I could hardly wait to tell my supervisor!

Quit This Philosophy

Soon I found myself in a meeting with the parachurch youth ministry leader.  I thought I followed the rules.  But, apparently not closely enough.  I explained everything to him, about how the conversation progressed, but to no avail.  He wasn’t even happy that this boy become a Christian, seriously.

He was fearful of offending the parents, even though this particular boy’s parents were fine with their son’s decision and themselves didn’t believe the Gospel.  In fact, they were thrilled at the changes they noticed in their son right away--his respectful attitude, outlook on life and helpfulness around the house.  He grew quickly in the short while longer that I was still allowed to be a part of his life.  

I was emboldened and shared more openly with more of the students, even in the weekly meetings.  It was well received, even by some of the official church youth leaders.  My sense of the silliness and stupidity of this parachurch ministry’s philosophy grew stronger.  It was time for me to leave.

Everyone should have asked more questions.  The church should have asked more questions of the actual ministry leader, and vice versa, before making their ministry arrangement.  The leader should have asked me more questions initially, and I should have asked him more questions.  

A few years later I was able to catch up with the leader.  We had a friendly conversation, but it was one that added to my sadness over this whole matter.  He had decided to leave the evangelical church for something he considered more traditional and mystical.  This was more than style preference for him, it was the result of his personal lack of clarity about the Gospel.  It all made sense now.

A Decided Bias for Evangelism

Why would a mission agency not want to share the Gospel?!  This makes no sense.  Our responsibility is clear.

2 Corinthians 5:20–21 ESV “Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, God making his appeal through us. We implore you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God. For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.”

The messenger is supposed to communicate the message clearly and compellingly!

Ever since that early ministry experience I have committed myself to hold a bias for evangelism.  I will always be partial to those ministries and people who actually do evangelism rather than those who simply talk about it, or criticize others for doing it or for how they are doing it. 

Many years later I came across this quotation from Dwight L. Moody.  When scrutinized on his methods of evangelism, he replied, "I like the way I do evangelism much better than the way you don't."