Let Your Teenagers Do Whatever They Want

About the time our teenagers turn 16 or 17 we have the “yes” talk.  This talk is when we let them know that we trust them, and that for whatever they want to do the answer will almost always be “yes” based upon three conditions.  

It is a whole lot easier operating with a general stance of permission, than having to evaluate every situation in detail before granting permission or not.  Besides, we as parents get tired of saying “no” and it is no fun.

There are only three conditions they are responsible to maintain.  And we share these with them.  (I am indebted to my friend John for teaching me this.  So far, it has worked well for us.)

1.  They have a growing relationship with Christ.  



This will be easily observed by the devotional habits they choose to keep, and their enjoyment of their church family.  It will be obvious by a generally happy and pleasant disposition.  And they will often initiate spiritual conversation and move conversations in this direction.

2.  They have an open relationship with their parents. 

Conversation flows easily.  It is more than about general topics, but topics of value to a family that loves and cares for one another.  There is mutual respect and trust.  This needs to be measured from the parents’ point of view.  It is up to the teenagers to make their parents feel connected to their lives. 

3.  They have a recent history of making wise choices. 

Freedom needs to be valued and handled wisely.  They are known for making healthy and godly choices for themselves, especially when it effects others around them.  Basically, this means they are doing a good job making decisions and enjoying activities.

Certainly, there is a lot more involved in parenting, especially teenagers.  But sharing the confidence you have in your son or daughter with them will encourage and inspire them to greater and greater things.  They are wanting to do more and more, and become their own person.  

Mistakes will be made, even foolish ones.  This is how we learn and grow toward maturity and maturity in Christ.  These are opportunities to hold adult level talks, take responsibility, pray together, make things right, and move onward and upward.

Besides, it is time to move out of the instruction phase of parenting and step into the coaching phase of parenting and help your sons and daughters reach all their God-given potential.  This is our goal and joy as parents.