An often overlooked character requirement for Christian leaders comes from Titus 1:7, “he must not be self-willed.”
It gets overlooked because being self-willed is not always obvious to everyone, and we don’t like calling people “self-willed” or “arrogant.” So, when it appears as a possibility in a potential leader, it is often not seen as that damaging, but dismissed as a strong personality.
However being self-willed is more than having a strong personality. It describes a person who finds ways to get one’s own way; he who serves himself above others and the mission of the church or organization he is supposed to be serving.
Examine Behavior Closely
What does a “self-willed” individual look like?
There are many examples that could be given from the evangelical world these days of self-willed individuals who are in positions of leadership or who have fallen out of leadership. We tend to think of well-known public figures, but even more examples will be found in thousands upon thousands of local churches around the world.
In addition to the more common observations, here are a few ways we might identify a self-willed leader or would-be leader.
- He will not stop pushing his pet issues and projects.
- She frequently takes passive aggressive actions, subverting and sabotaging.
- He plays the self-assigned role of gatekeeper, controlling other people’s ministries.
- She just doesn’t care about the negative organizational culture she is creating.
- He creates his own separate loyal following within the larger group.
- She is noticeably excessive or extreme in her enjoyments.
- He is too familiar or inappropriate with those of the opposite sex.
There are many more examples of selfishness and controlling behavior that could be given. These two qualities of selfishness and controlling behavior define being self-willed.
Confronting the Arrogant Ones
Self-willed and arrogant people are drawn to positions of power. We need to prevent them from leading, remove them from leading and even help them self-correct when possible. How might we do this?
It begins with paying attention, and then bravely calling out those who are self-willed and naming “self-will” for the arrogance that it is. This might start with a personal conversation of confrontation, or it might involve organizational authorities. Either way, this will take courage and may be very costly because we are dealing with powerful people and influential leaders quite often who do not want to hear the truth about themselves.
We need to keep reminding ourselves and others why it is so important not to have self-willed people in leadership—because they will destroy many aspects of many people’s lives. They are dangerous to the organizations they lead and they will lead them to eventual ruin and oblivion if left unchecked. We need to speak up.
There is a good example in 2 Timothy 3 which is given after listing many sins of selfishness in verse 1-4.
2 Timothy 3:5–9 ESV “. . . [Such people have] the appearance of godliness, but denying its power. Avoid such people. For among them are those who creep into households and capture weak women, burdened with sins and led astray by various passions, always learning and never able to arrive at a knowledge of the truth. . . . But they will not get very far, for their folly will be plain to all.”
Another example is found in 3 John.
3 John 1:9–10 ESV “I have written something to the church, but Diotrephes, who likes to put himself first, does not acknowledge our authority. So if I come, I will bring up what he is doing, talking wicked nonsense against us. And not content with that, he refuses to welcome the brothers, and also stops those who want to and puts them out of the church.”
Trusting God Enough to Say ‘No’
Being self-willed describes a person who finds ways to get one’s own way and serve oneself above others and above the mission. Self-will is a deeply damaging character trait both to oneself and to those around that person.
God promises in the passages of 2 Timothy and 3 John above that He will make sure that the self-willed will not get very far, that they will be exposed and that His authority will eventually be recognized.
Self-willed people are not fit to lead. Saying “no” to them will bring God’s blessing, grace and peace to the larger group. It is of vital importance to trust God by following His clear will for leadership in His churches, and organizations that serve His Mission.
Are we still too small, or have we become too big?
What size should our church be? It is a good question. But the answer is that it doesn’t matter a whole lot, so just pick a number and be done with it.
An Ever Elusive Goal
Each church should set a numeric goal, work toward it, and upon reaching it rest satisfied, thoroughly satisfied and stop.
The main problem with not selecting a numerical goal is that the church and its leadership are constantly chasing an undefined and ever larger goal. This is poor leadership, laziness, and really truly a sorry excuse for casting a vision.
On the other hand, other churches say they want to be larger, yet undermine it in their behavior and never reach it. Instead, they should simply admit they really desire to be the size they currently are, and be fine with it.
Indecisiveness and unwillingness to face reality produces an unfocused angst in many congregations. Many worry about growth, whether their church is not growing, growing too much, growing in the wrong ways or growing by the right methods.
Leadership needs to step up and lead, provide directional clarity and peace. And stop wasting everyone’s time, energy and life.
Settle It and Move Onward
A common default mode is to think that getting bigger is better and that this is fulfilling the Great Commission. But, many churches never get much bigger, even over the course of many years. Additionally, there are often limitations on how big certain churches are ever going to get.
So, we need a better goal than an elusive and frustrating growth target. The solution is easy. Pick a number: 30, 100, 200, 500, 1000, 2000, 5000 or more. Any number will do. Everyone will feel much better once a number has been chosen.
This decision can probably be made in just a few leadership meetings. Consider the unique context of your church, the resources and gifts the Lord has given your congregation. What is His plan for you, uniquely, not for every other church?
Size will determine many things about a church, its staffing, its style and types of ministries and most everything else. So choose wisely what you really want. But, once you get to the number then you get over the anxiety, and you can get on with finding more significant goals.
Let’s be honest and clear—church size is really not that significant of a goal.
Greater Works to Be Done
Church planting and global mission is where the truly significant goals are to be found!
Reaching the unreached and starting new churches, that is what it is really all about, and every size church can be involved! In fact, we need all sizes of church for this enormous endeavor around the world.
The world need churches that are satisfied with who they are, not unsure and chasing lesser goals of big numbers or small numbers. Pray over your church’s number, but also pray about the larger more important indicators of true Great Commission vision that extends beyond your church.
Pick a number, any number will do, and let’s move on and move forward!
It is easier to assess whether salvation has come into a soul than you might think.
We found this out when doing evangelism among the unreached who had never heard, or heard very little about Jesus Christ. We were surprised how simple this was.
First the Eyes Brighten
When true understanding comes, the eyes change because of a Spirit enlivened spirit that accepts the Gospel. This is the Gospel he never heard before, or she never heard it in this way before; it takes on a sudden and deep personal significance.
They see Jesus exactly for who He is and the savior they need. The emotions are there with the understanding, but may not be visible to you. It is important to go to the next step and explore the Gospel together further, and gain greater assurance by greater faith.
Then the Mouth Speaks
That next step would involve them articulating what they know and believe about the Gospel. They are eager to share what they have found. Encourage their understanding and add to it. God has prepared, pursued and persuaded them. Just enjoy and marvel!
Show them some Bible passages about their new life in Christ. Being born again they will naturally hunger for more of the Word. What else do they need to know and do? You don’t have to think too hard because they will tell you what they want to know.
Eagerness is Easy to Perceive
It just isn’t that hard to know whether a person has received the Gospel. We make it too complicated to discern because we make the Gospel too complicated.
In the Gospel of Matthew there are two parables that illustrate this.
Matthew 13:44 ESV “The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field, which a man found and covered up. Then in his joy he goes and sells all that he has and buys that field.”
Matthew 13:45–46 ESV “Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant in search of fine pearls, who, on finding one pearl of great value, went and sold all that he had and bought it.”
We make it complicated by poor explanations of the Gospel, exaggerated attempts at cultural integration or additions of parochial viewpoints. On top of this we often add behavioral expectations and lack personal transparency that would make our own transformation more observable.
Stay focused: do your eyes glisten with the Gospel?
After a church member has an affair with a colleague we ask ourselves if we could have known. Outsiders ask us why we did not know, or if we have learned what we should have known in hindsight.
We are straining to see the invisible man who can not be seen.
Don’t Blame the Victim
After a violent crime we have a saying “don’t blame the victim” and it applies here as well. Did she lure him or ask for it (the rape)? Did he say something offensive or racist and provoke it (the shooting)? The guilty are the guilty ones and the victims are the victims, let’s keep this much straight!
I have many experiences with this in my 25 years of experience in pastoral and mission ministry. Certainly, you have your own set of stories. Such things are common to fallen humanity.
Don’t blame yourself for not knowing in advance. Don’t look down on others who were duped; it is not their fault! And don’t let others scrutinize you as some naive person to be pitied and better educated.
Usually we are not missing anything. We are supposed to be charitable toward others, while at the same time wise in our assessments. But, those who live an invisible life are good at it, often perfecting their duplicity over the years.
Don’t be Suspicious or Surprised
It is not our job to be suspicious of everyone around us and uncover their secret moral failings. When people move into this intense surveillance mode it is sad and scary at the same time. I have seen this happen to people in churches, and it can get very ugly.
Sometimes we see things and we should take action by asking some questions and talking to leadership. And truthfully, sometimes we see them in hindsight and we learn for the future. However, this is not the usual turn of events.
Jesus told us it would happen, that people would fall away, so we wouldn’t be surprised when it happens and we suffer. So, let’s obey Jesus and not be surprised. The New Testament is filled with examples of such people and further warnings and instructions.
Whose fault is it? Keep it simple. It is the sinner’s fault. Let the guilty be condemned and the innocent be set free. Stop trying to see what can’t be seen and focus on what is visible.
