Can I Help You Find Another Church?

Many people have had to go through the difficult experience of switching churches within the same town. This can be very unsettling and stressful, leading to great unhappiness in the process. People generally have a hard time seeing that their discontent might be God’s method of moving them on. How can a pastor be most helpful?

3 Poor Approaches

1. Anger. Pastors should not get angry or defensive. Although it feels highly personal, and might be some of the times, most often it is not. Even when it is, if we gain strength from Christ and put our hope in His glory and vindication, we can address the situation as needed. Dealing harshly with people displeases the Lord, and will result in leadership failure.

2. Ignore. We should not ignore people who are struggling, either. Avoidance, hoping the problem will resolve itself is poor leadership. It hurts everyone, the whole congregation, you as the pastor and those who are disgruntled. If they leave it will remain unresolved. If they keep on complaining they need to be confronted.

3. Sell. Nor should we attempt to appease their complaints. Often our initial reaction is to explain why we do ministry the way we do it, and why they should be excited about it and embrace it. We point out the many successes and obvious blessings from the Lord. We try to sell them, or re-sell them, on our vision.

Instead of these approaches, we should engage people more deeply and truly help them. In doing so, we ourselves will grow in Christ and in spiritual skill in leading His People. In a few cases, such people might start to see things differently and make a dramatic change and become a team player. But, more likely at this stage this will not be true for the large majority. So, how might we part ways in a more spiritual manner?

3 Better Approaches

1. Explain. Explain that maybe they are entering a different stage in life. A lot of people don’t even realize this about themselves and their families. Our needs and hopes change throughout life. Likewise, our spiritual journeys and desires for growth change. This reality needs to be understood much better by all of us and embraced as God’s design in our path to being fully transformed into the image of Christ.

2. Explore. Explore with them the possibility that God may be moving then on to help another church and its ministry. We are one large worldwide team in Christ’s Church. There are numerous places to serve, among many different peoples, and many with far greater needs than our present congregation. Ask questions about their passions for Gospel ministry. Take time to enter their stories and find out what God is doing in them.

3. Exhort. Some simply need to be exhorted, told maybe for the first time that they are just ornery and obstinate people who need to leave if they do not change. Be prepared that unhappy people are just that--unhappy. Some have serious spiritual problems with trusting the Lord and submitting to His authorities and established leaders. Don’t let people despise you and your position. Challenge them as you tell them to leave.

Doing The Parting

People don’t know what to do with discontent or where to go. Often they need to be given the gifts of freedom and understanding, rather then being told they are bad Christians. They are already struggling with this before the Lord. Don’t over-spiritualize church membership and abuse the concept of loyalty. (See related blog Three Problems With The Marriage Analogy.)

At the proper time, ask directly, “Can I help you find another church?”

Asking such a question will be surprising to most people. The fear and expectation going into this kind of meeting with the pastor overwhelms people. The idea of parting on good terms, and even to bless one another as friends, probably has not occurred to them.

The reason the pastor should ask this question, is not only because he is the leader, but because often people don’t know other churches in the area like the pastor does. We have the opportunity to match them up for the next stage in their journey and to maximize their usefulness for the Kingdom!

This is by far a better conclusion to what is often the inevitable outcome after people become considerably dissatisfied. Why not take advantage of the situation, preserve the relationships, help them find another church, and bring further glory to God?