Let Your Teenagers Do Whatever They Want

About the time our teenagers turn 16 or 17 we have the “yes” talk.  This talk is when we let them know that we trust them, and that for whatever they want to do the answer will almost always be “yes” based upon three conditions.  

It is a whole lot easier operating with a general stance of permission, than having to evaluate every situation in detail before granting permission or not.  Besides, we as parents get tired of saying “no” and it is no fun.

There are only three conditions they are responsible to maintain.  And we share these with them.  (I am indebted to my friend John for teaching me this.  So far, it has worked well for us.)

1.  They have a growing relationship with Christ.  



This will be easily observed by the devotional habits they choose to keep, and their enjoyment of their church family.  It will be obvious by a generally happy and pleasant disposition.  And they will often initiate spiritual conversation and move conversations in this direction.

2.  They have an open relationship with their parents. 

Conversation flows easily.  It is more than about general topics, but topics of value to a family that loves and cares for one another.  There is mutual respect and trust.  This needs to be measured from the parents’ point of view.  It is up to the teenagers to make their parents feel connected to their lives. 

3.  They have a recent history of making wise choices. 

Freedom needs to be valued and handled wisely.  They are known for making healthy and godly choices for themselves, especially when it effects others around them.  Basically, this means they are doing a good job making decisions and enjoying activities.

Certainly, there is a lot more involved in parenting, especially teenagers.  But sharing the confidence you have in your son or daughter with them will encourage and inspire them to greater and greater things.  They are wanting to do more and more, and become their own person.  

Mistakes will be made, even foolish ones.  This is how we learn and grow toward maturity and maturity in Christ.  These are opportunities to hold adult level talks, take responsibility, pray together, make things right, and move onward and upward.

Besides, it is time to move out of the instruction phase of parenting and step into the coaching phase of parenting and help your sons and daughters reach all their God-given potential.  This is our goal and joy as parents.

Eight Guidelines For Public Scripture Reading

It is a distinct service to God and His People.  1 Timothy 4:13 ESV “. . . devote yourself to the public reading of Scripture . . .”

Here are eight general guidelines to practicing it more meaningfully.  I do hope you have the privilege of reading, and if not, then of listening to one who reads well.

1.  Dress appropriately.


This is upfront and in public.  So it does start with appearances.  It is an honorable act to show respect for people and for one’s position when up front reading the Word of God.  As a general rule, dress one step above the average attender.

2.  Select a good translation.  


Use the version most people in your church use.  But make sure it is a translation and not a paraphrase.  People want to hear the familiar and authoritative words of God.

3.  Use a printed Bible.

Do not read from a printout or any electronic device.  Those are fine for other situations.  But it looks better and fits the context better to be reading from a what is universally recognizable as a Bible.

4.  Be ready at the place.


Know when in the flow of the worship service you are supposed to start to make your way to the place of reading, whether it is a podium, lectern, pulpit or mark on the stage.  Plan to be up front on time.  This adds to the importance of what you are about to read.

5.  Simply announce the text you will be reading.


Please do not supply any personal commentary of any kind whatsoever.  Surely your personal experience with the text is valuable, but there is another time and place to share this.  For now, you have been charged to read Scripture and that alone.

6.  Start reading.


After announcing the text reference, read.  Do not ask people turn in their Bibles, or wait for them to do so.  Sometimes people just need to listen and listen only, without following along or even reading on a screen.

7.  Read well.


This is of utmost importance.  Practice reading out loud at home in advance.  You need to know the text—its divisions, emphases, pronunciation, cadence, et cetera.  Read a little louder than your normal voice, but not in a weird “holy” voice.  Keep a good pace.  Be lively and passionate about God’s Word; and honor and enjoy the text before the congregation.

8.  Don’t hurry.


Pause for one or two seconds when you arrive at the reading place.  And pause for a second of two after you finish reading before you leave.  Give people an opportunity to feel and reflect on what was read.

Obviously there is more to congregational worship than public Scripture reading.  But what about it?  Do we value this practice in and of itself?  Assuming we do, we should do it well.  And in doing so, many people will be blessed.

When The Prayer List Turned Black

During a message on intercessory prayer I held up my prayer list to show everyone that I had been praying for them regularly, every week, by name, and with specific requests on their behalf.  

After two years, it now looked like a scribbled mess of black ink.  That is because all those prayers had been answered by God!  It was time for a new list after the prayer list turned black.

What Started This

The prophet Samuel makes an interesting remark in the conclusion of his farewell addresses to the people of God.  The Israelites had just begun their transition to a monarchy in rebellion against God.  Nonetheless, he would continue to pray for them.

1 Samuel 12:23–24 ESV “Moreover, as for me, far be it from me that I should sin against the LORD by ceasing to pray for you, and I will instruct you in the good and the right way. Only fear the LORD and serve him faithfully with all your heart. For consider what great things he has done for you.”

This section of the speech takes on even more significance when considering what transpires yet before Samuel’s death in chapter 25.  The people would need a lot of prayer for this monarchy and their lives to turn out well.

My ministry takeaway was that the greatest service I could render the people of our congregation was to pray for them diligently.  And so I did this believing it would have the greatest effect in their lives and upon me as God worked His grace in all our lives together.  

The Growing List

So, I created four lists organized alphabetically by family name, and then prayed through each list once a week.  As a I heard about needs, observed concerns, or felt prompted by the Holy Spirit about a matter, I would put a note next to their family name.  

At times I would let people know which day I would be praying for their family so that if they had any concerns they could let me know about them.  It encourages people when we tell them we are praying for them and include specifics.  When the prayers were answered I would scratch them off, which is what made it look so illegible.

People changed and grew, and I noticed it quickly, probably because I was praying.  This was very encouraging.  An unexpected blessing was seeing some of the church’s “problem people” (every church has them) become team players, and my love and leadership toward them become more effective.

I also found two other benefits relating to Samuel’s words.  Praying for people in this way leads to giving more insightful instruction on faithful discipleship publicly and then more personally in private.  And beyond prayer and instruction, people need their leaders to remind them of God’s greatness and encourage them to consider the greatness of His special works for them.

Applicable to Many Ministry Settings

A common application of this passage from 1 Samuel is that spiritual leaders need to pray for those they lead, for those receiving their teaching, and all who are going to be effected by their ministry.  It would be a sin not to do so.  In reality is a great duty of delight!

There are many ways to arrange how we pray for one another.  Adjustments can easily be made for different leadership roles and growth in the size of any ministry organization.  I am enjoying figuring out how best to systematize my intercessory prayers now in a new ministry organization.

Our faithful praying as leaders accomplishes much.  How has God been answering your diligent prayers for His people and His work?  How might you improve your faithfulness in praying for others?

When God Pushes You Even Further

Our small team of five was prepared to share our evangelistic testimonies and give a simple presentation of the Gospel.  The ministry pattern we had been following in this Asian country led us to expect to find a gathering of church member’s Buddhist neighbors, friends and relatives ready to hear what we had prepared to share.  Their hope and prayer was that God would start a new church.

A Surprise Scramble

However, when we arrived at the house, it was filled with about forty young church planters and many along with their wives.  We soon discovered that our team made up the guest speaker roster for that second day of their three day conference.  We were not prepared for this at all!

We politely explained our situation being caught unprepared, introduced ourselves, gave a couple testimonies, and then asked for a thirty minute break to put together the presentation topics for the late morning and afternoon sessions.

We quickly took stock of our gifts as a team and the topics about which each us felt somewhat prepared to speak, to share from experience or to lead a discussion.  We prayed and asked to Lord to move our hearts and match up our thinking with the needs of the group.  We stepped out in faith, trusting that God put together our team, created this situation, and would make something good happen.

God Used the Unprepared Ones

That was many years ago and I no longer remember all the topics we ended up addressing that day, though I am sure we used our testimonies and spiritual growth stories as springboards for many practical discussions.  We likely talked about marriage and singleness, parenting, Bible study methods, personal trials and persecutions, maintaining a vibrant personal walk with Christ, and a few other basics of Christian living.  Such topics are always helpful and encouraging to discuss with one another.

A couple of us had to handle the more complicated theological questions about biblical history, the Return of Christ, and the all too often popular topic of Christianity in America.  The most interesting concerns were those surrounding apologetics in a Buddhist culture and society.  We learned much more than we taught on such matters, most certainly.  

Those church planters and evangelists found it challenging in their religious context of idolatry to make a case for a God who needs no temple nor desires representational images.  Interestingly, that year I had been teaching a series on the attributes of God and much of it was still fresh in my mind.  So we discussed the spirituality and invisibility of God in relation to their situation.  Together we reviewed the history of redemption from beginning to the end and looked at selected Scriptures, tracing out this doctrine of God and helping them find good answers.

Reflections at Dinner and Later

The main conference speaker graciously translated as necessary that day.  He and I became friends as we worked together to minister effectively to these young men and women.  During our dinner that evening, he expressed his appreciation for our team and our teaching.  

He also added that he had covered much of the same material we did, but now that they heard it from someone else they will really believe it!  We laughed.  I told him that it works this same way in America (and probably in many other places)—guest speakers are often admired and listened to more than the regular teachers.

Our whole team slept well that night with a deep sense of satisfaction that God had used them to build up His Church.  He showed us His faithfulness in supplying us with ideas, and giving us the words to speak.  By His Spirit, He created a sense of love, community and mutual learning among everyone at the meetings that day.  As a result, we all were blessed, encouraged and renewed in our service to our Lord Jesus Christ.

Leading a mission team is always an adventure and a learning experience.  We never did figure out why that day happened the way it did, whether it was a communication issue, wrong assumptions or something else.  It didn’t matter because God glorified Himself that day.  The remaining days on that trip went according to plan, as our plan actually turned out to be God’s plan!

When we step out in faith, sometimes God makes us step out even further than anticipated.  But had we known just how far at the beginning, we never would have stepped out at the start.

It Only Takes Two Questions To Renew Your Marriage

How can you use the New Year’s Eve celebration to revitalize your marriage for the next year?  Early in our marriage we established a tradition of spending some time together that evening answering two questions.

Encourage Your Spouse

Think about it:  Where have you seen God at work in your husband or wife?  Be thankful to God for His powerful grace. We would each answer this question about the other person, speaking encouragement into their soul.

“What have I seen God do in and through you this past year?”

Maybe it was an area of personal growth, or learning more about God in order to know Him better and worship and serve Him better.  Maybe it was suffer through a trial, or an injustice, or supporting someone who did.  Or, it could be that your husband or wife needs to hear just how influential and inspiring they have been to so many people.

There is one rule:  whoever is sharing must not give even a hint of displeasure or correction, or try to change the other.  This is because the Bible is clear in 1 Corinthians 13:7 ESV “Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”

Be Open with Your Spouse

Think about it:  Where has God been working on you?  What part of your life do you need to surrender to Him and His will?  You do know the answers to these questions.  We would each answer this question for ourself and then tell the other person.

“What do I hope and expect God to do in and through me this next year?”

Here again there is one rule:  Be vulnerable before your spouse and humble in front of God.  Also, this is not the time to comment on what is shared with you by your husband or wife in their openness.  Just be willing to pray and support.  There will be faltering progress in the coming year, but it will be forward progress nonetheless.

Pray Together

Do it together:  thank God for His grace in your lives.  Thank Him for His mercy on two sinners in a struggling relationship, as well.  Thank Him for making you patient, forgiving and hopeful toward one another.

Such an activity, whether it occurs on New Year’s Eve or not, is part of the experience of being soul-mates, true soul-mates for life.  Your love for one another, when empowered by God’s love, will give you a most amazing marriage; and it will get better with the years as your commitment to one another and God’s purposes in your lives deepens.  Praise be to Him for His glorious gift of marriage!!!

How To Conduct An Annual Planning Retreat

I recently returned from my annual ministry planning retreat.  It is a highlight of mine every year, to review God’s work, rejoice in His leading and power, and look forward with anticipation to yet another year of service for the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

Most likely your ministry organization, or your business, goes through some type of an annual strategic planning review process.  But the process I am talking about here is more personal, about God’s calling on your life and ministry, specifically.  

This is how I go about this important time of planning and praying.  Hopefully, it will be helpful to you.

Select the Location

The first priority is seclusion for 2-3 days.  You really need to be by yourself, with God, and no one else.  This also means purposefully cutting yourself off from interruptions from your phone and email. 

Find a relaxing place, relatively low-cost, and where you will have plenty of work space.  You will need to be able to think and pray aloud.  It is also possible you will need access to God’s natural creation to wander about and talk further with Him.

Establish the Theme and Topics

About two weeks beforehand, pay more attention to your life, ministry, hopes and concerns.  Take notice of where you find yourself in God’s Word each days.  Likely the theme for your annual ministry planning retreat will emerge.

Think big picture.  What do you need to pray through?  Talk to the Lord Jesus about?  Or, just spend time thinking through opportunities, challenges and options?  Maybe even research a little further?

Categorize these items into a few broad topics you need to cover.  Bring the necessary documents, goals and files you might need.  But bring only the few you really need, so as not to be over prepared.  

Follow the Schedule

Organize your work time into 2 hour blocks with plenty of rest time in between them.  The schedule needs to be both productive and enjoyable for you.  Prepare yourself to hear from God; be expectant, as He will meet with you and show you His goodness.

Begin each session with singing one hymn or listening to one praise song.  Listen closely to the words and how it might address you and your situation.  Then read those Bible verses that you selected that fits the theme of your planning retreat.  Stop and pray, worship in silence, just be open with your heavenly Father about why you are here and what you need Him to provide.

Then it is time to work.  How is the Holy Spirit directing you at this point?  Maybe you need to pray even more.  Maybe you need to do some research or write up new plans, or sketch out diagrams.  Maybe you need to develop an idea, or even a whole new vision.  Maybe it is as simple as laying out specific goals for the coming year, or filling out annual planning forms.  When the time block is up, close in prayer, take the break, and return refreshed to tackle the next topic.

Capture the Gains

In your closing session, review your progress and transfer ideas and action items to your calendar and wherever else you might need to keep them.  You want to be able to head home with the process completed, not having to do this later.

Take time to thank God for listening and answering your prayers, and giving you direction.  In the coming weeks and months, He most likely will continue to speak to you, refine your plans, and confirm His guidance to you both internally and by granting success.

One of the best rewards from following this annual pattern of strategic planning is seeing how faithful God is year after year.  He is faithful to move His own plans forward by moving you to play a significant part in them.  We learn so much about God, and enjoy Him even more, as we seek to follow His will in our lives and ministries.