Suffering Stops Sinning

At the time of Apostle Peter’s writing the Roman society was filled with certain joys that needed to be stopped.

We might recall some of them from our history lessons.  There were the famous entertainments of risqué theatre productions, chariot racing culture, and gory gladiatorial combat.  There were the infamous immoralities from giving free reign to passions of all sorts:  temper, sex, drink, slander, lying, and theft to get ahead.  

Christians were seen as killjoys, antisocial non-participants, and cultural traitors who spoke out against such things. When one becomes a Christian many things change with internal desires, outward behavior, and purposeful living.  It is a life lived with much higher joys and meaning and satisfaction. 

In 1 Peter 4:1-5, our Apostle Peter describes how suffering stops sinning.

The New Resolve for the Present and the Future

1 Peter 4:1–2 ESV “Since therefore Christ suffered in the flesh, arm yourselves with the same way of thinking, for whoever has suffered in the flesh has ceased from sin, so as to live for the rest of the time in the flesh no longer for human passions but for the will of God.”

Jesus Christ “suffered in the flesh,” meaning in this temporary earthly life and realm of sinfulness.  Of course, Jesus Christ suffered once to deal with sin by His Cross on behalf of His People.  He did this with Holy Spirit empowered resolve to obey God the Father and accomplish His will.

We then are to have, and being His own can have, the same attitude inspired by the Holy Spirit living our lives.  We are called to a new way of life, new devotion to Christ, new resolve against the sinfulness of the world.  When suffering in this world, we should consider how this works to bring an end to sin in our lives.

How is it that unjust suffering works to eliminate sin in a Christian’s life?  Does it inherently work purification?  Maybe, but some would say it just as easily pushes us in the opposite direction.  Does it lessen opportunities for sin?  Maybe, but some would say it provides more.  Above all it works to focus our mind—is this what you have found?

Suffering is not something that works automatically, but only insofar as our mind is set to face it head on and gain something from it, and then it morally strengthens us.  We are to be like Jesus in this commitment upfront to obey God and embrace suffering because of this commitment.  Even though he was the perfect Son of God, God become Man, He in His humanity grew in this strength and resolve.

This mindset going into suffering shows that we are willing to be done with sin; and then it works ever deepening resolve in us, increasing freedom from sin, and establishing a whole new outlook on life.  Suffering then works as a reinforcement; and as a help to us; and as a fence of security.

And so one of the greatest results is that we can live out the rest of our life on earth under the control of new motivations for growth.  We don’t have to follow common human passions, but seek out doing the will of God in this life.

A Sarcastic View of the Past Can be Helpful Too

1 Peter 4:3–5 ESV “For the time that is past suffices for doing what the Gentiles want to do, living in sensuality, passions, drunkenness, orgies, drinking parties, and lawless idolatry. With respect to this they are surprised when you do not join them in the same flood of debauchery, and they malign you; but they will give account to him who is ready to judge the living and the dead.”

We were just like all the rest of the “Gentiles,” that is unbelievers without God and without hope, and enslaved to our passions and the ways of the world around us.  We praise God for His rescue of us and making us now part of the People of God.  

How helpful it can be at times to be sarcastic with ourselves about our past life without God in this world!  This is the Apostle’s approach in verse 3.  There was more than enough time to “enjoy” the sins of the morally corrupt and rebellious world.  Of course, this is not how we really see it, rather we are glad to have escaped what we are now ashamed of.

Certainly, not all people live such unrestrained lives in this extreme picture; however we also know that people do not live as clean as they claim either.  The natural inclination to such things is like a seed ready to germinate within each one of us naturally.  We are all infected with the corruption of sin and no one is free from the contagion, nor pure.

As one scholar pointed out, perhaps the activities being described were directly related to cultural celebrations most everyone participated in to some degree, such as, family religious festivals, trade guild celebrations, and civic holiday celebrations.  If so, then the matter of having Christ’s resolve to resist cultural and social expectations makes a lot of sense.

Prepared to Honor God

Christians just don’t do certain things and that is the way it is.  What changes have you noticed in your life and desires?  What parts of you are becoming ever more refined in your pursuit of holiness?  What breaks from sin have proven good and propelled you forward in your walk with Christ?

Where now, today, do you need to put forth the resolve of Christ in the same power of the Holy Spirit?  Remember that suffering is appointed as a help for you in this.  Maybe it is in some of the same areas as Roman society:  entertainment, lifestyle, friendships, or personal control?  What about the passions and impulses that are given free range in our society?

By living resolved to suffer in order to avoid sinning we are further strengthened to live for the will of God.  Be confident and content, for you will succeed and eventually be perfected in the image of Christ.  What might change for you?  What good things might you be hoping for in your life?

So, “arm yourself” with this mindset of Christ for your life from this point forward.  Pray that your resolve will be empowered by the Holy Spirit, and so made successful before God the Father.

Destructive Leadership

Transformational leaders appeal to the moral values of their followers, seek to elevate their ethical awareness, and motivate and involve them in the mission of the organization. Followers will trust, admire, give loyalty to, and respect these types of  leaders. The opposite of this visionary and ethics-based leadership is a self-serving unethical leadership that leads to the destruction of organizations and the people associated with them. Have you ever witnessed this type of destructive leadership?

In his classic article “The Dark Side of Leadership,” Conger (1990) identified a number of reasons why some visionary leaders fail and fail miserably, highlighting negative leaders who place their personal needs as paramount, chase their visions while miscalculating circumstantial realities, and use their communication skills to deny flaws in their vision and manage their image. 

In their book, The Allure of Toxic Leaders, Lipman-Blumen (2005) described destructive and toxic leaders as those who exhibit highly dysfunctional personality characteristics. But they also placed blame upon followers who seek out such leaders in the midst of challenging and often fearful circumstances. Often, both destructive leaders and those who follow them rationalize their views and mutually support one another and end up advancing a system of destructive leadership.

Recently, Padilla, Hogan, and Kaiser (2007) provided a useful description of destructive leadership theory in terms of a toxic triangle made up of threes dimensions, the “confluence of destructive leaders, susceptible followers, and conducive environments” (p. 176). 

• Destructive Leaders exhibit the characteristics of “charisma, personalized need for power, narcissism, negative life history, and an ideology of hate” (p. 182). 

• Susceptible Followers come in two groups, conformers and colluders, “conformers comply with destructive leaders out of fear, whereas colluders actively participate in a destructive leader’s agenda” (p. 183). Conformers make themselves vulnerable because of their “unmet basic needs, negative core self-evaluations, and immaturity” (p. 180). Colluders actively support destructive leaders because of the opportunity to enact their “similar ambitions, worldview, and values” (p. 180). 

• Conducive Environments for destructive leadership include four factors: “instability, perceived threat, cultural values, and absence of checks and balances and institutionalization” (p. 185).

Have you ever observed destructive leadership theory at work in an organization? What could be done to help those involved dismantle the toxic triangle of destructive leadership, susceptible followership, and conducive environmental factors? What might be the role of prayer, repentance, forgiveness, and the use of wisdom for instituting change?

Conger, J. (1990). The dark side of leadership. Organizational Dynamics, 19(2), 44-55.

Lipman-Blumen, J. (2005). The allure of toxic leaders: Why we follow destructive bosses and corrupt politicians—and how we can survive them. New York: Oxford University. 

Padilla, A., Hogan, R., & Kaiser, R. B. (2007). The toxic triangle: Destructive leaders, susceptible followers, and conducive environments. The Leadership Quarterly, 18(3), 176-194.

Organizational Citizenship Behavior

In simple terms, organizational citizenship behavior basically refers to “being civil or polite with regard to others in an organization” (Konopaske et al., 2017, p. 200). Does this describe the culture of the organizations to which you belong? Does it characterize you? Are you a good organizational citizen? Do you help others become better organizational citizens?

Good Citizenship

The Apostle Paul opened and closed his letter to the Philippian church talking about good citizenship (1:27; 3:20). He emphasized their heavenly citizenship as Christians; yet, he played off of their pride (in a positive sense) of being good citizens of their city and the Roman empire.

Philippians 1:27 ESV (modified) “Just one thing: behave as citizens [Gk., politeuesthe] worthy of the gospel of Christ, so that whether I come and see you or am absent, I may hear of you that you are standing firm in the One Spirit, with one mind striving side by side for the faith of the gospel.” 

The Philippians prided themselves on being Roman citizens. But as Christians, they were to be proud of their heavenly citizenship even moreso. The Apostle Paul was playing off of, and playing against, their Roman citizenship, just like we do in the American church, and churches around the world do, as well. As Christians, we posses dual citizenship (as Martin Luther taught); we are members of two kingdoms at the same time—Christ’s heavenly kingdom and some earthly kingdom (political entity).

Future Citizenship

We are already citizens of heaven, because of Christ’s righteousness, and will live there eventually (cf. Ephesians 2:19). For now, we are governed by Christ as a “colony of heavenly citizens” (as one biblical dictionary put it) here on earth as “aliens” (1 Peter). And He is ruling from heaven with all power all things on behalf of His Church. Our future should be strongly guiding our present lives.

Philippians 3:17, 20 ESV “Brothers, join in imitating me, and keep your eyes on those who walk according to the example you have in us. . . . For our citizenship [Gk., politeuma] is in heaven, and from it we await a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ,”

We are eagerly waiting a Savior from heaven, the Lord, Jesus Christ. This is a direct reference to Caesar Augustus and his imperial titles of “Lord” and “Savior.” He was called the “Savior of the world” because of bringing order and peace throughout the civilized Roman world. But, Jesus Christ, the True Lord and Savior, will return to this earth from heaven as the True Emperor of All. He will deliver us from our suffering and fears and trials in this world—He is our hope!

Daily Life Citizenship 

Let’s return now to Konopaske’s et al. (2017) definition of organizational citizenship behavior (OCB) as referring to “being civil or polite with regard to others in an organization.” After reviewing the Apostle Paul’s correspondence with the Philippian church, this seems so basic, and truly a simple reality for Christians to live out at their places of employment, in their churches, and within their mission organizations.

Podsakoff et al. (1990) described OCB as discretionary behavior by an employee that goes beyond the role requirements of one’s job. Think about your job—your secular job, your job at church, your job in the mission, and your job in whatever other organizations you belong to. Podsakoff et al. identified five key dimensions of OCB: 

1. Altruism, which refers to helping others; 
2. Conscientiousness, which refers to exceeding minimum role requirements;
3. Sportsmanship, which refers to toleration without complaining; 
4. Courtesy, which refers to prevention of problems; and 
5. Civic Virtue, which refers to taking an active part in the life of the organization.

What if we as citizens of the kingdom of God lived out, and encouraged others to live out, such recognized concepts of OCB in our workplaces, churches, and missions as part of the worthy behavior of Philippians 1:27? What difference do you think this would this make?

Konopaske, R., Ivancevich, J. M., & Matteson, M. T. (2017). Organizational behavior and management (11th ed.). New York: McGraw-Hill Education.

Podsakoff, P. M., MacKenzie, S. B., Moorman, R. H., & Fetter, R. (1990). Transformational leader behaviors and their effects on followers’ trust in leader, satisfaction, and organizational citizenship behaviors. Leadership Quarterly, 1(2), 107-142.

Authentic Leadership

Contemporary society desires authenticity from its leaders, whether the leaders are high profile or simply the leaders people encounter and work with every day in their jobs or volunteer organizations. Positive, healthy, and trustworthy leaders build confidence in their followers and contribute to their satisfaction and productivity. However, repeated public scandals in business, government, and non-profit sectors continue to raise suspicion about leader authenticity and fuel the demand for greater accountability to achieve it. 

As a recent working theory of leadership, authentic leadership has attempted to bring together effective leadership and ethical leadership. Authentic leaders possess a high degree of self-awareness and self-acceptance, and are guided by strong personal positive core values. Because of their integrity and transparency, followers readily identify with them and perceive them to be optimistic, confident, and worthy of trust. Authenticity also involves consistency between the followers’ values and the leader’s values and behaviors. 

Researchers have proposed various definitions of authentic leadership and ways of measuring it. Most commonly accepted, Walumbwa et al. (2008) have defined authentic leadership as “a pattern of leader behavior that draws upon and promotes both positive psychological capacities and a positive ethical climate, to foster greater self-awareness, an internalized moral perspective, balanced processing of information, and relational transparency [emphasis added] on the part of leaders working with followers, fostering positive self-development” (p. 94).

Four Dimensions of Authentic Leadership with Applications for Church and Mission

Self-awareness refers to an awareness of how one “makes meaning of the world” (p. 95) and how this process impacts one’s view of self. Furthermore, self-aware individuals grow in their understanding of their own strengths and weaknesses through exposure to, and experience with, others and observing their impact upon them. What about leaders in the church and mission, how might such leaders seek to grow in awareness of their strengths and weaknesses?

A leader with internalized moral perspective will consistently make decisions based upon internal moral standards and values. Those possessing deep personal self-regulation will guide themselves based upon moral convictions even in the face of “group, organizational, and societal pressures” (p. 95). What about leaders in the church and mission, how might such leaders develop deeper moral integrity and exhibit this more consistently?

Balanced processing of information refers to the ability to “objectively analyze all relevant data before coming to a decision” (p. 95), which includes intentionally seeking out alternate viewpoints from one’s own. What about leaders in the church and mission, how might such leaders learn to seek out and appreciate input from others with differing viewpoints?

Relational transparency refers to the presentation of one’s true self to others, building trust through open disclosure. Those who exhibit relational transparency can also control their emotions, “minimizing displays of inappropriate emotions” (p. 95). What about leaders in the church and mission, how might such leaders build greater trust by sharing more of themselves?

Authentic leadership theory offers much direction and content for reflection on leadership in the church and mission worlds. We also want and need authentic leaders and followers who demonstrate relational openness and exhibit congruency in their values and behaviors.


Walumbwa, F. O., Avolio, B. J., Gardner, W. L., Wernsing, T. S., & Peterson, S. J. (2008). Authentic leadership: Development and validation of a theory-based measure. Journal of Management, 34(1), 89-126.

Why Don’t We See More Of Our Missionaries?

A few years ago a fellow pastor and friend of mine asked me, “Why don’t we see more of our missionaries? Is there something wrong with our church?”

Perplexed and Hurt

This seemed strange to him because overseas missionaries who are on home assignment are usually eager to visit their supporting churches and reconnect with many friends in the church. This church considered itself very mission-minded, genuinely devoted in prayer and partners in the work. My friend was somewhat offended and hurt.

I happened to know this church and its approach to missions fairly well. True, it was somewhat of a mission-minded church, but the leadership and the congregation were not as committed to missions as they thought they were. It is safe to say that those outside the church would not describe the church as a mission-minded church.

3 Measurements of Commitment

So, I asked how much the church supported each of its missionaries.  It was a modest sum, probably a little too modest. Then we talked about the travel costs for the missionaries to visit the church. This cost was not reimbursed by the church, either. Their missionaries seemed to visit when their church was an easy add-on to a trip, but they were not the main destination.

Then we talked about what a missionary visit would look like. Were opportunities created for the missionaries to give an in-depth view of their work, and would they have freedom to ask others to become supporters of their ministry? It turns out that the church didn’t take the initiative to create such opportunities, or much else.

Then I asked about recent mission trips taken by the church. The last significant one was over five years ago. Occasionally people still talk about it and reminisce about its value and glory. However, in today’s world of inexpensive travel and easy to organize short-term trips of value, it should be routine practice to have church leaders and others visit a church’s missionaries. This is a wonderful opportunity to encourage them, bless them, learn from them and be of value to them.

Making Necessary Adjustments

My pastor friend agreed that they were really a low mission commitment church. And their missionaries probably didn’t sense great commitment on the church’s part. The relationships had not been nurtured. Gladly, my pastor friend decided to make the necessary changes! 

Since our conversation a few years ago, the church has been steadily increasing their financial support of all their missionaries. The church leadership communicates much more and at a higher level of quality with their missionaries and their congregation. 

There is a new level of engagement that is obvious to all. Missionaries are highlighted and given greater access to people. Slowly, new trips are being organized, well-planned for added value, and they are being seen as a key investment for the advance of the Gospel!

Can I Help You Find Another Church?

Many people have had to go through the difficult experience of switching churches within the same town. This can be very unsettling and stressful, leading to great unhappiness in the process. People generally have a hard time seeing that their discontent might be God’s method of moving them on. How can a pastor be most helpful?

3 Poor Approaches

1. Anger. Pastors should not get angry or defensive. Although it feels highly personal, and might be some of the times, most often it is not. Even when it is, if we gain strength from Christ and put our hope in His glory and vindication, we can address the situation as needed. Dealing harshly with people displeases the Lord, and will result in leadership failure.

2. Ignore. We should not ignore people who are struggling, either. Avoidance, hoping the problem will resolve itself is poor leadership. It hurts everyone, the whole congregation, you as the pastor and those who are disgruntled. If they leave it will remain unresolved. If they keep on complaining they need to be confronted.

3. Sell. Nor should we attempt to appease their complaints. Often our initial reaction is to explain why we do ministry the way we do it, and why they should be excited about it and embrace it. We point out the many successes and obvious blessings from the Lord. We try to sell them, or re-sell them, on our vision.

Instead of these approaches, we should engage people more deeply and truly help them. In doing so, we ourselves will grow in Christ and in spiritual skill in leading His People. In a few cases, such people might start to see things differently and make a dramatic change and become a team player. But, more likely at this stage this will not be true for the large majority. So, how might we part ways in a more spiritual manner?

3 Better Approaches

1. Explain. Explain that maybe they are entering a different stage in life. A lot of people don’t even realize this about themselves and their families. Our needs and hopes change throughout life. Likewise, our spiritual journeys and desires for growth change. This reality needs to be understood much better by all of us and embraced as God’s design in our path to being fully transformed into the image of Christ.

2. Explore. Explore with them the possibility that God may be moving then on to help another church and its ministry. We are one large worldwide team in Christ’s Church. There are numerous places to serve, among many different peoples, and many with far greater needs than our present congregation. Ask questions about their passions for Gospel ministry. Take time to enter their stories and find out what God is doing in them.

3. Exhort. Some simply need to be exhorted, told maybe for the first time that they are just ornery and obstinate people who need to leave if they do not change. Be prepared that unhappy people are just that--unhappy. Some have serious spiritual problems with trusting the Lord and submitting to His authorities and established leaders. Don’t let people despise you and your position. Challenge them as you tell them to leave.

Doing The Parting

People don’t know what to do with discontent or where to go. Often they need to be given the gifts of freedom and understanding, rather then being told they are bad Christians. They are already struggling with this before the Lord. Don’t over-spiritualize church membership and abuse the concept of loyalty. (See related blog Three Problems With The Marriage Analogy.)

At the proper time, ask directly, “Can I help you find another church?”

Asking such a question will be surprising to most people. The fear and expectation going into this kind of meeting with the pastor overwhelms people. The idea of parting on good terms, and even to bless one another as friends, probably has not occurred to them.

The reason the pastor should ask this question, is not only because he is the leader, but because often people don’t know other churches in the area like the pastor does. We have the opportunity to match them up for the next stage in their journey and to maximize their usefulness for the Kingdom!

This is by far a better conclusion to what is often the inevitable outcome after people become considerably dissatisfied. Why not take advantage of the situation, preserve the relationships, help them find another church, and bring further glory to God?

Calvinists And Arminians On Mission Together

When determining who will make the best ministry partners on mission trips one consideration I take into account is whether they are Calvinistic or Arminian.

Most of the time I will pair them up with a partner holding the opposite viewpoint. My purpose is to build them into stronger disciples of Christ and more effective evangelists of the Gospel.

My History on Mixed Theological Teams

My own experience includes being saved within an Arminian perspective. Much of my early Christian growth was with organizations and from leaders who also held this viewpoint, although I didn’t understand much about these theological differences at the time. Nonetheless, I held strong Arminian opinions. A pastor and good friend at one church I attended challenged me to keep on digging deeper into the Scriptures, to take my time and learn.

It was a good number of years later while I was teaching through Romans and Hebrews, and during my formal theological training, that I became thoroughly convinced of the Reformed or Calvinistic perspective. The seminary where I studied had faculty from both perspectives, which made learning about this important matter all the more fascinating, valuable and a great blessing.

I strongly believe that the Calvinistic understanding most faithfully and accurately represents the biblical teaching on salvation. Yet, while serving in my first official ministry position in a local church, I was ministering alongside a fellow assistant pastor who attended the same seminary I did, but who was thoroughly committed to the Arminian view. We had great debates, challenged one another, and yet we still found ourselves able to love one another and one another’s families, and advance the Gospel together.

When the Lord led me into the role of a lead pastor it was with an association of churches that welcomes both viewpoints. Our particular local church was committed to the Reformed position on the doctrines of grace, but we were called to graciously work alongside other churches with different commitments on these matters.

Because of my personal experience I know mixed theological ministry teams can work, can work very well, and that everyone will grow in the process of doing ministry and mission together.

Conflicts on Mixed Theological Teams

A person’s theological position makes a really great difference in how that person ministers the Gospel. Some today try to minimize the value of theology and strongly held opinions, ignorantly thinking that theology makes little difference in doing ministry.

Nothing could be further from the truth! Once people are on a team having to strategize how to reach a group of people, deciding on how the Gospel will be presented, and then actually presenting the Gospel from a variety of biblical passages in multiple conversations with unbelievers, the truth can be easily seen and felt—doctrine matters a whole lot!

Here are some of the most important and defining questions separating the two theological systems: How depraved are people? How does this affect them and their ability to respond to the Gospel, or not? What does it mean that God is sovereign and that He choses some for salvation? How do we understand the role of the free will of humanity? What exactly did Jesus’ death and resurrection accomplish? For whom was it designed and how do we see its effects? Can people resist the call of God? What would this look like and how would we respond to real people in the midst of it? Can people fall away from the faith, and if so how do we explain this? What is the basis for a secure salvation?

Benefits of Mixed Theological Teams

Conflict will be inevitable between viewpoints and between us as people. We both want to serve the Lord whole-heartedly and faithfully. And here is one of the greatest benefits of being together, seeing the vitality and reality of one another’s faith in Christ though from a very different evangelical theological system. He or she is also a godly Christian believer!

John 13:34–35 ESV “[Jesus said,] A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.”

Serving this closely with others who hold the opposite view also helps us deepen our own convictions. We are driven to the Word of God to rediscover what the Holy Spirit wrote about Jesus Christ and the work of God in our salvation. This is a really good thing. We are also made better theologians, more humble theologians who can respectfully disagree and learn from one another. Who knows, we may convert the other to the truth of our own view!

Moreover, the debates and discussions we have are no longer only biblical and theological, but practical as well. We are serving on mission together at the same time, praying with one another, and declaring the Gospel to real people for the purpose of God’s glory being revealed!

My teams of mixed theological persuasions have proven my approach over and over. It has been a great blessing for them to work in such an environment and many have told me it was one of the best training and equipping experiences of their lives. They enjoyed being challenged to think more biblically, dialogue more honestly with others, and rejoice above all in the advance of the Gospel! In the end, they had even more confidence that regardless of their differences the basic truths of the Gospel were being proclaimed.

It is also good to be on teams that hold the same view as one’s own, just not exclusively. It is perhaps best to be in a church, or with a mission, that has a clear theological commitment so everyone can move in the same direction. Just make sure to get out once in a while and partner in some ways with those of the other viewpoint.

Ordinary Trainers Make Training More Accessible

When it comes to accessibility, there are less helpful trainers and there are more helpful trainers.

This overly sharp contrast will highlight how trainers who are current practitioners make ministry more understandable, easily applicable and lead to greater results.

Less Helpful Trainers

You have seen them. Although they are extraordinary people with inspiring ministry stories, most likely it has been a while since they have done the ministry for which they are providing training. Nevertheless, they are the recognized experts, ministry celebrities, and have a wealth of resources.

Their presentations are refined and their stage presence is polished. The systems and solutions offered appear simple and easy to use. However, at the book table the program details and pricing overwhelm. But people buy in because they want the grand ministry success promised. Or they sign up to learn how to become a certified system trainer themselves.

When the participants get back home to their own ministries they are frustrated the new system doesn’t work as easily as they thought it would. Some wisely dump the materials and do what they know works, while others keep signing up for more and more help from the ministry franchise.

More Helpful Trainers

You have met them. They are ordinary ministers and people doing the same type of ministry for which they providing training. They are current practitioners. They know well the needs and struggles of their ministry colleagues personally and identify with them as partners, even friends.

Their presentations are encouraging and they carry themselves with humble credibility. The participants leave knowing that they can improve their ministry on their own by what they have learned. The trainers share ministry tools freely and allow them to be modified to fit a variety of ministry contexts.

There are more of these types of trainers available because these people are the ordinary ministers who serve all around the world. This group has greater potential because of their sheer number, personable influence and much broader networks.

Still, many more of these types of trainers could be mobilized. Maybe some of them need to understand how much they really do have to offer. Maybe some of them just need a quality opportunity to get involved.

Certainly, the global Church needs many types of training and trainers, from the extraordinary to the ordinary, as the Lord gifts and provides. Pray that the Lord will move upon many more of His ordinary ministers with confidence in their gifts and the power of the Holy Spirit to train others.

These ordinary men and women are even more likely to make far greater and deeper impact on the way Gospel ministry is actually accomplished around the world than the few extraordinary ones.


[See a related blog entry: Customization Over Standardization]

5 Images Of Love’s Devotion and Strength

Love songs are the best songs to sing.

This is because love is one our basic human desires.  And this is why the biblical book the Song of Songs is so entitled, because it is about the best of songs; it is about love. It is a love poem about the proprieties and experiences of human love. The central message of the poem is that marital love is to be enjoyed to its fullest.

Marital Love

In 8:6-7, the bride in the poem speaks to her groom, expressing the incomparable strength and devotion of marital love.

Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm.
For as strong as death is love,
as severe as the grave is jealousy.
Its flashes are flashes of fire, a most vehement flame.
Many waters are not able to quench love,
nor are rivers able to wash it away.
If a man were to give all the wealth of his house for love,
it would be utterly despised.

Many images of love’s devotion and strength have just been placed in our minds. Love is compared to the absolute security of a seal, the unyielding grip of death, and the heat of the hottest fire. It is also pictured as containing enough fortitude to withstand all the forces of nature, typified by water. And it is priceless; it cannot be bought with all the money in the world.

During a wedding ceremony we celebrate the union of a man and a woman in their marital love for one another. They are pledging their lives together in undying love. How can they do this? How can any of us do so for that matter? It seems today that love is an emotion that comes and goes and we float along with it. What is the unique kind of love that forms a marital structure strong enough to last for a lifetime in devotion?

It is the love portrayed in the Song of Songs. It is human love that has properly progressed to the point of being given over to one another in the covenant of marriage. This is according to God’s design from Creation; and it remains His plan until the end of the world. Let’s look at the five images of love’s devotion and strength from Song of Songs 8:6-7.

A Seal

The first image is that of a seal. Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm. A seal marks ownership, or possession. This is a love that is given over to absolute devotion. The seal upon the heart and arm is symbolized today in the wedding ring. It is a pledge of lifelong devotion. It symbolizes a mutual ownership of one another.  This love commits up front to an unending devotion, sustained and constrained by covenant for life before God Almighty.

This image is the most important one, for it parallels that of Jesus Christ’s love for His Church. He enters into covenant and communion with those who place their faith in His cross for forgiveness of their sin and for gaining the righteousness of Christ so as to be justified before God. And further, He grants the Holy Spirit as a seal to Christians, pledging His eternal covenant faithfulness and marking them out as His own possession.

The human marriage relationship is to mirror the relationship between Christ and His Church. May we strive in all the grace of God to attain this ideal of love, and enjoy it and model it for all!

Death

Second is the image of death. For as strong as death is love, as severe as the grave is jealousy. This sure seems strange and unromantic, wouldn’t you say? How odd that we would talk about death at a wedding! But, the comparison is not between love and death per se, but between their irresistible power. In this they are similar.

How many people have been able to hold off death from overtaking them? None. Death and love are personified here. Death never gives up in its pursuit of whomever it desires. Finally, it succeeds and once it obtains its object, never lets it go. The grave is fiercely inflexible in never allowing the release of anyone from its possession.

This is what marital love is like. It is a love that pursued its beloved until the marriage day and then keeps on holding its lover close through the unyielding power of love. This is quite the image!

Lightning

Third, its flashes are flashes of fire, a most vehement flame. Do we love each other with burning passion? This is part of the true love of marriage! In fact, all of us who are married must burn like the searing and evaporating heat of lightning. Marital love is a jealousy for one another such that your pre-occupying desire is for total enjoyment of one another.

Marriage is not to be endured as an estate of tolerance, growing apart from one another. This is the sad state of affairs for many. But, we should not be discouraged by this. We can choose otherwise. Marriage is to be blissful and full of joy. Marital love is to be enjoyed with great fervor and this is why the focal message of the book of the Song of Songs in 5:1 is expressed as, “Eat, O friends; drink your fill O lovers!” This injunction describes marital love as satisfaction. It is feasting on your love for one another.

Floods

Fourth, love is shown in its overwhelming effect upon the heart. It is a love so powerfully overwhelming that it is described as withstanding all the forces of nature. Many waters are not able to quench love, nor are rivers able to wash it away.

True love withstands all the onslaughts with which it is confronted. We will encounter them as we all do. Conflict has been built into the structure of our world and woven into the fabric of our being since the Fall of Adam and Eve. Marital pleasure is as pure and delightful as already stated. But, that was only part of the story.

Surely we all know about the pressures, challenges, and conflicts involved in the marital relationship. And so, we need humility, patience, conflict resolution skills, forgiveness, honest communication, joy in the truth and in righteousness, desiring the benefit of the other, hoping the best about one another, a willingness to bear one another’s burdens, and remembering your marriage covenant. In the end, we all must rely upon God’s grace to make our marriages work because we are all so naturally selfish. It involves love, in other words—the love portrayed in Song of Songs.

Wealth

Finally, love is priceless. Were a man to give all the wealth of his house for love, it would be utterly despised. What is marital love worth?

This image in the Song is that of buying love even if it cost all the possessions of one’s household. Historically, this is the bride-price being mentioned. If love is not present, the purchase price and the would-be purchaser together are despised. Marital love is worth more than all that could be given in a dowry.

We don’t have dowries today, but we do have marriage licenses. And marital love and commitment doesn’t automatically come with them. Generally speaking, marriage isn’t worth much in our contemporary culture.

Don’t let your love be bought by anyone, or anything else. Temptations of all sorts will vie for our affections, and it won’t just be other lovers. It could be career, money, possessions, friends, entertainments, hobbies, or whatever. Despise them all! Yes, despise whatever it might be that would weaken your marital bond. Keep you love and commitment solely upon one another.

This of course is not all there is to marriage. It is not even close. Yet, from this biblical passage it is clear that the purpose of marital love is the full enjoyment of one another under the blessing of God. There is still so much more that we discover together throughout your lives. May we keep growing together and make our marriages an experience of the blessings recounted in the Song of Songs. This is the kind of love that will make for a marriage that will last a lifetime.

Self-Willed Leaders Are Unfit To Lead

An often overlooked character requirement for Christian leaders comes from Titus 1:7, “he must not be self-willed.” 

It gets overlooked because being self-willed is not always obvious to everyone, and we don’t like calling people “self-willed” or “arrogant.” So, when it appears as a possibility in a potential leader, it is often not seen as that damaging, but dismissed as a strong personality. 

However being self-willed is more than having a strong personality. It describes a person who finds ways to get one’s own way; he who serves himself above others and the mission of the church or organization he is supposed to be serving. 

Examine Behavior Closely

What does a “self-willed” individual look like?

There are many examples that could be given from the evangelical world these days of self-willed individuals who are in positions of leadership or who have fallen out of leadership. We tend to think of well-known public figures, but even more examples will be found in thousands upon thousands of local churches around the world.

In addition to the more common observations, here are a few ways we might identify a self-willed leader or would-be leader.  

• He will not stop pushing his pet issues and projects. 
• She frequently takes passive aggressive actions, subverting and sabotaging.
• He plays the self-assigned role of gatekeeper, controlling other people’s ministries. 
• She just doesn’t care about the negative organizational culture she is creating. 
• He creates his own separate loyal following within the larger group. 
• She is noticeably excessive or extreme in her enjoyments. 
• He is too familiar or inappropriate with those of the opposite sex. 

There are many more examples of selfishness and controlling behavior that could be given. These two qualities of selfishness and controlling behavior define being self-willed.

Confronting the Arrogant Ones

Self-willed and arrogant people are drawn to positions of power. We need to prevent them from leading, remove them from leading and even help them self-correct when possible. How might we do this?

It begins with paying attention, and then bravely calling out those who are self-willed and naming “self-will” for the arrogance that it is. This might start with a personal conversation of confrontation, or it might involve organizational authorities. Either way, this will take courage and may be very costly because we are dealing with powerful people and influential leaders quite often who do not want to hear the truth about themselves.

We need to keep reminding ourselves and others why it is so important not to have self-willed people in leadership—because they will destroy many aspects of many people’s lives. They are dangerous to the organizations they lead and they will lead them to eventual ruin and oblivion if left unchecked. We need to speak up.

There is a good example in 2 Timothy 3 which is given after listing many sins of selfishness in verse 1-4.

2 Timothy 3:5–9 ESV “. . . [Such people have] the appearance of godliness, but denying its power. Avoid such people. For among them are those who creep into households and capture weak women, burdened with sins and led astray by various passions, always learning and never able to arrive at a knowledge of the truth. . . . But they will not get very far, for their folly will be plain to all.”

Another example is found in 3 John.

3 John 1:9–10 ESV “I have written something to the church, but Diotrephes, who likes to put himself first, does not acknowledge our authority. So if I come, I will bring up what he is doing, talking wicked nonsense against us. And not content with that, he refuses to welcome the brothers, and also stops those who want to and puts them out of the church.”

Trusting God Enough to Say ‘No’

Being self-willed describes a person who finds ways to get one’s own way and serve oneself above others and above the mission. Self-will is a deeply damaging character trait both to oneself and to those around that person.

God promises in the passages of 2 Timothy and 3 John above that He will make sure that the self-willed will not get very far, that they will be exposed and that His authority will eventually be recognized.

Self-willed people are not fit to lead. Saying “no” to them will bring God’s blessing, grace and peace to the larger group. It is of vital importance to trust God by following His clear will for leadership in His churches, and organizations that serve His Mission.

Have You Seen The Invisible Man?

After a church member has an affair with a colleague we ask ourselves if we could have known. Outsiders ask us why we did not know, or if we have learned what we should have known in hindsight.

We are straining to see the invisible man who can not be seen.

Don’t Blame the Victim

After a violent crime we have a saying “don’t blame the victim” and it applies here as well. Did she lure him or ask for it (the rape)? Did he say something offensive or racist and provoke it (the shooting)? The guilty are the guilty ones and the victims are the victims, let’s keep this much straight!

I have many experiences with this in my 25 years of experience in pastoral and mission ministry. Certainly, you have your own set of stories. Such things are common to fallen humanity.

Don’t blame yourself for not knowing in advance.  Don’t look down on others who were duped; it is not their fault! And don’t let others scrutinize you as some naive person to be pitied and better educated.

Usually we are not missing anything. We are supposed to be charitable toward others, while at the same time wise in our assessments. But, those who live an invisible life are good at it, often perfecting their duplicity over the years.  


Don’t be Suspicious or Surprised


It is not our job to be suspicious of everyone around us and uncover their secret moral failings. When people move into this intense surveillance mode it is sad and scary at the same time. I have seen this happen to people in churches, and it can get very ugly.

Sometimes we see things and we should take action by asking some questions and talking to leadership. And truthfully, sometimes we see them in hindsight and we learn for the future. However, this is not the usual turn of events. 

Jesus told us it would happen, that people would fall away, so we wouldn’t be surprised when it happens and we suffer. So, let’s obey Jesus and not be surprised. The New Testament is filled with examples of such people and further warnings and instructions.

Whose fault is it? Keep it simple. It is the sinner’s fault. Let the guilty be condemned and the innocent be set free. Stop trying to see what can’t be seen and focus on what is visible.

DO NOT FEED (Dogs & Pigs)

How do we know when to stop evangelizing someone?  Is there such a point?

Most of us have great love for an unsaved friend or relative, who does not know Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior. We eagerly desire their salvation, and so we share the Gospel with them. We do this over and over, using a variety of approaches.

Yet, the person only seems to get more and more annoyed and even grows in hostility. We wonder: is this my fault or is it simply the result of the Gospel itself? We ask ourselves, “should I stop evangelizing?” Is this even a Christian question?

Jesus Gave a Stopping Point 

Matthew 7:6 ESV ““Do not give dogs what is holy, and do not throw your pearls before pigs, lest they trample them underfoot and turn to attack you.”

The teaching of the metaphor feeding swine and wild dogs is quite straightforward: holy things are not to be given to the unholy. Why not?  Because the holy things, which are the details of the Gospel of the Kingdom, will be trampled and the giver of them will be torn to pieces.

“Dogs” and “pigs” are derogatory terms, since they are unclean animals according to the Law. Here they stand for people who have a proven track record of hostility toward the Gospel of the Kingdom.

These people are relatively easy to identify because of their characteristic way of treating the Gospel. Pigs trample down pearls, (they criticize and ridicule the precious treasure of the Gospel), because it is not the food they want. Dogs eventually spurn the sacred truths they have been chewing on and turn on the one who gave it to them.  

The teaching of Jesus here is that members of the Kingdom are not to let these people have continued opportunity to disgrace the Gospel. The dignity of the Gospel must be preserved at some point in the process of evangelism.

These people have shown themselves to be unworthy of the Gospel by their response of contempt and hardness toward the Gospel. When this level of resistance is reached in the hearers of the Gospel, we are to no longer offer them the Gospel, so that we may go on to reach those who will receive the Gospel with great eagerness and joy.  

Jesus would later instruct His disciples according to this principle:

Matthew 10:11–14 ESV “And whatever town or village you enter, find out who is worthy in it and stay there until you depart. As you enter the house, greet it. And if the house is worthy, let your peace come upon it, but if it is not worthy, let your peace return to you. And if anyone will not receive you or listen to your words, shake off the dust from your feet when you leave that house or town.”

And the Apostle Paul ministered according to this principle in his missionary journeys. Take a look at Acts 13:44-51 when he proclaimed people unworthy; 18:5-6 when he shook out his garments; and 28:17-28 when he indicted people with the words of Isaiah.

A (Spiritual) Wisdom Call

How do we know when the point of stopping is reached? It is a wisdom call. Not human wisdom however, but a spiritual wisdom that comes through the Word and prayer.

We have to proclaim the Gospel first to know into which category people fall. We need feedback from the message. We cannot and should not pre-judge peoples’ response to the Gospel. Once we have their responses we are not to continue to preach the Gospel to those that have proven themselves hard toward the Gospel and contemptuous of it. 

These are not those who are indifferent or mildly unreceptive; we should keep annoying them with the Gospel! These are those who ridicule it without really even listening. They are hostile, even violent, toward the Gospel. 

We do not want the glorious Gospel to be besmirched and ridiculed before the world. We don’t want to bring disrespect to the Gospel by letting people ridicule it. We will not save people by our own efforts no matter how hard we try. We will not honor God’s name among men if we give opportunity to blasphemers.

We also want to be strategic with the Gospel and our efforts in evangelism. We don’t want to fail to proclaim salvation in every situation that we should. We will not be those bringing Good News of salvation, if we stop too soon; and we will not see the power of the Gospel. We want the saving power of the Gospel to be what the world observes!

Prayer is the Answer

Matthew 7:7 ESV ““Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.”

What is the answer? It is prayer. Do not take this too lightly.  Many of us do, and that is why we are often so bewildered. Instead of asking too many questions we should pray!  At least, let us pray first!

It is better to pray too many prayers (if there is such a thing) than to ask too many questions and try to answer them in our own wisdom. Prayer will bring the answer of wisdom in evangelism.

In evangelizing difficult people with the Gospel, we should pray first to know how to approach such a person. Then we should proclaim the Gospel boldly and compassionately, praying all the while in our spirit. Finally, we should consider the response we receive. Consider it in prayer that is, not in human wisdom. 

Repeat these three steps prayerfully, asking each time, “Lord, how much longer? . . .  Will you be pleased to save? . . . Should I continue or move on? . . .  Am I honoring the dignity of the Gospel? . . . etc.” 

When it is time to stop proclaiming the Gospel to certain people for a while, keep praying. Keep praying for his or her salvation, yet remain content in God’s ways of working and His timing. Go find new people with whom to share the Gospel of the Kingdom!

The Fig Leaf And The Towel

Everyone looks pretty much the same in the locker room.

You can’t tell who drives what kind of car, what each person does for a living or anyone’s position in society. You also don’t now who is happy, who is going through a hard time, who the intelligent ones are or who are the idiots. 

Everyone looks pretty much the same in the locker room, until they open they mouths and put on their clothes.

Community with a Towel

I remember my fitness and recreation times at the YMCA as a young pastor in Chicago. Those were good workouts. I met fascinating people. We had conversations you couldn’t make up. All types of people used the YMCA, very interesting people from the rich down to the poor. 

These regulars didn’t know much about one another. I played racquetball with many of them, lifted weights with a few others and ran the track occasionally with yet a different group. Observing their interactions with one another was enjoyable, but what made it rally interesting was facilitating their deeper interactions. 

When we sat in the sauna together, everyone looked pretty much the same as the next guy. Sweating together for thirty minutes builds an unusual community. If you have a purpose in fostering relationships this can become a place of reality, life on life. Ask people to tell their stories about the day, the crazy things they did as a boy, or what they are looking forward to. Just have fun, relax and laugh even share helpful advice. Sometimes deep pain and fears come out, so be prepared to comfort and encourage. Grab a towel and join us!

A Proverb for the Locker Room

Proverbs 22:2 ESV “The rich and the poor meet together; the LORD is the maker of them all.”

This Scripture verses reminds us of a major theme in Proverbs, and all of the Bible, of the absolute sovereignty of Yahweh the Creator, and the associated truth of our absolute accountability, whoever we are. The rich and poor alike have equal status and accountability before God. Here lies basic human equality.

You can see so for yourself; everyone looks pretty much the same as a baby, or playing sports, or getting a physical, lying in a hospital bed, and eventually lying in a casket. There are many equalization moments throughout our lives. The YMCA locker room was one of mine.

This verse might also be simply stating that God makes both rich and poor, which is true enough, but the verses that follow will focus on discussing the sinfulness of humanity.

The rich and poor “meeting” likely refers to the common bond of humanity and shared dignity, maybe also, that they will meet on the Final Day of God, or that they meet in this life in society, or locker rooms. 

The problem is that they tend to despise one another, take advantage of one another, and even distance themselves from one another. The wise follower of Yahweh cares for community and harmony among all.

The Gospel for the Naked

The guys each went their own ways after the sauna sessions two or three days a week. We all learned about one another. We appreciated one another in new ways as rich and poor alike. We all learned why we all need the Gospel, because I brought it up as relevant to our lives.

People listen when they are sitting there vulnerable.  Tell them the truth, about our common bond of humanity but also how we all are naked before God. It is in Hebrews 4:13 ESV “And no creature is hidden from his sight, but all are naked and exposed to the eyes of him to whom we must give account.” 

You might begin at the beginning with Genesis and the parallel between the fig leaf and the towel.

Genesis 3:7,10-11 ESV “Then the eyes of both [Adam and Eve] were opened, and they knew that they were naked. And they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves loincloths. . . . And he [Adam] said, “I heard the sound of you in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked, and I hid myself.” He [God] said, “Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten of the tree of which I commanded you not to eat?””

Or, you might begin with The End with the words of the Revelation of Jesus Christ.

Revelation 3:17–18 ESV “For you say, I am rich, I have prospered, and I need nothing, not realizing that you are wretched, pitiable, poor, blind, and naked. I counsel you to buy from me gold refined by fire, so that you may be rich, and white garments so that you may clothe yourself and the shame of your nakedness may not be seen, and salve to anoint your eyes, so that you may see.”

Wherever you start the conversation, make sure to talk about the person and substitionary atonement of Jesus Christ the Son of God on behalf of shameful sinners. Encourage them to look “to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.” (Hebrews 12:2)

The YMCA experience was so long ago that I don’t remember how well I took advantage of the situation to talk about Christ. But, I do know that I would do a lot better today with more knowledge and life experience, and being more comfortable in my own skin. 

The Lord used these meetings over the course of a couple years to create in me a compassion for everyone, to teach me how to interact with and help all sorts of people, and to train me to be always thinking seriously about how to effectively share the Gospel that is intended for all of us. 

They Kept A Record Of Wrongs

Have you ever been asked to solve other people’s relational problems?

Sometimes you can help people, and other times once you get into a conversation you discover first-hand why they have the relational problems they have.

Sharing the Notepad

Eager to meet, this couple arrived early for their appointment. They wanted help from me in resolving their relationship problems with another couple. Wonderful! Getting help from others, even your pastor, when having relational troubles is an excellent choice.

Their problem was mainly between the wives, and all four of them had apparently met a number of times to work out their difficulties. The husband and wife in my office were deeply troubled because, in their view, they had tried everything to find resolution but were unable to get there.

Then he opened the folder. They were more than troubled, they were greatly offended. He mentioned to me that he had a list of all their interactions with the other couple, the offenses and their discussions with dates and notations. He wanted to review all three to four pages in his notepad with me, along with some biblical references.

I have never seen such a thing before. My first thought was that they were crazy—who does that?! My second thought was 1 Corinthians 13:5 NIV “[Love] keeps no record of wrongs.” I didn’t think the Apostle Paul was indicating that people would literally keep lists! The most disturbing observation however was that they didn’t seem to see anything wrong with their recording of others’ wrongs against them.

I refused to look at it or hear any of it, which baffled them. They kept insisting I examine the evidence and I kept resisting, trying to move to conversation in a more positive and productive direction to help them find better biblical resolution to their grievances. Their ire got the best of them and I just put a stop to the whole meeting.

Giving Departing Advice

Maybe I was too direct at this point, but I honestly felt very little compassion for them and was disgusted by their unbiblical approach of keeping an actual list of wrongs along with gross bitterness toward others. And this is because I loved them.

I knew both couples very well and was actually surprised that they couldn’t work out matters. Yet, I never heard a thing from the supposed offending couple. Later, when I mentioned my experience to them they seemed surprised to learn that their relationship with that couple was that bad. And they confirmed my conclusion that this other couple was emotionally unhealthy and spiritually immature.

Back to my office. They were beyond taking any counsel, but I thought it best that they hear some truth from me as their pastor before they left, and as I knew at this point, they would also leave the church.

So, I tried to gently point out to them that it seemed to me that they have had troubles with a number of other people in the congregation over the years, as well. They acknowledged it but were defensive about it. They demanded to know who and when and all the facts about each every situation—apparently I was supposed to keep such lists!

A second time I tried to help them see that they themselves were the common denominator in all my examples. Often when there were relational problems in the church, they were involved. They were confused. I further pointed out that others were able to get beyond disagreements because they didn’t keep lists. Lists will destroy the list-keepers and cause them to hate instead of love their brothers and sister, to keep grudges rather than forgive.

They were intent on leaving the church anyway, which was probably best for us all.  So I gave them some parting advice to work on their issue, because it would follow them wherever they went. It was not our church’s problem, but theirs and their future church experiences would be the same, if they didn’t face it and work on it. In fact, they could damage other churches, and continue to hurt others and themselves.

The meeting didn’t end well at the time. But, as the years have passed, I am more hopeful that it actually ended very well. It spared our church from divisive people and it has likely helped this couple heal and grow over the years. I still pray for them every time I remember this story and our uncomfortable conversation.

My Worst Enemy Became My Best Friend

He probably wasn’t my worst enemy, but it sure felt like it at the time.  

He really didn’t become my best friend either, though after being so strongly against me, by comparison it felt like he had become my best friend.

The Worst Enemy

He was always the loudmouth contrarian at every business meeting, so it was only a matter of time before my ministry was his next project, and me.

Most of the trash talk was behind my back. He would put questions into people’s minds about my effectiveness. He would come up with ministry suggestions that he knew I wouldn’t support and were outside our mission as a church.  

He knew what he was doing and I knew what he was doing and he knew that I knew what he was doing. The worst part was that he would question my motives, slandering me before others in the church.  

It wasn’t long before I couldn’t do anything right. I suspect that he was even part of group, probably the leader or instigator, that anonymously tried to stop my ministerial credentialing and get me fired or get me to quit.

The Best Friend

I have no idea what I ever did to get on his bad side. At first it was frustrating and I tried in vain to answer all the questions people and my supervisor would ask. But after a number of months it turned into a church politics game that I learned to enjoy and became fairly good at myself!

Actually, I learned a lot during this time about how to pray for my enemies! I have attempted to put my thoughts together on this subject here: O Lord Smite My Enemies, But In A Loving Sort Of Way!

Nevertheless, humanly speakng, I have no idea what I ever did to get on his good side. One day he snapped. All of a sudden he supported me in everything I did.  He praised me and my work publicly. He would speak encouragingly to me and tell me how much he was praying for me. It was a weird relief.

We started connecting and enjoying one another. I suspect that the Lord used my prayers (and maybe his), that the senior leader got through to him, that his wife got through to him or that he finally saw that we were on the same side for the spiritual health and growth of the church. People are oh so interesting! And God is oh so powerful!

We started working on ministry plans together, and he started to love on my family and children.  My new “best friend” would move on to glory about 20 years after this. Someday I hope to get the full story of how God healed our relationship.

Here is both a prayer list and a to do list in these situations.

Romans 12:9–21 ESV “Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord. Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality. Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them. Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight. Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” To the contrary, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.” Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.”

Do not give up on those who oppose you, for you never know if God might turn your worst enemy into your best friend.