Four Questions To Have You Enjoying People And Sharing Life

Good conversations can get challenging after the standard exchanges about family and career wrap up.  But, dialogue need not be generic, or trail off in awkward silence.  We can keep the discussion lively by asking more specific questions about the many interests and concerns we share as people.  

It might be as simple as adding a twist to the standard family and career topics by backing up to earlier times such us childhood, getting started in life or one another’s first jobs.  You might think about the person’s current stage in life.  Listen for what is occupying his thoughts, or taking up her time these days, whether it is a matter of great excitement or great concern.  

Whatever it takes, simply find out what people value or feel strongly about.  Then take time to learn by asking good questions.  There is almost always the potential for a most fascinating conversation. 

Four Sets of Questions

Ask your new friend to tell you more about a particular event, accomplishment, relationship, experience or ministry dream.  Personal storytelling builds a relationship, as we enter into one another’s lives.  Keep the story moving along by asking questions about the specific people, setting, plot line, conflict and resolution.  Stories are the most interesting things about us as people.

Ask the “how” questions.  How did you go about accomplishing that, it sounds difficult?  How were you able to handle that?  How do you make sense of those events?  Did this change your life or perspective in any way?  How have you seen God’s grace or wisdom at work?  Observing how people process allows you to ask more intelligent “why” questions.

Ask the “why” questions.  I am curious, why did you choose that way?  What led you to that course of action?  Would you go about it the same way again?  Even asking a series of non-annoying of “why” questions will pay off in deeper revelation and understanding of a person’s commitments.  

To close out the discussion topic you might ask, “What has been most fulfilling or meaningful to you?” or “What has brought you the most joy?”  Such questions open up the opportunity to listen for core motivations.  And this is a great time to dialogue about ultimate meaning and serving the purposes of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. 

God’s Purposes Do Come Out in the End

This is not a step-by-step guide, but a tool that allows for free flowing and Spirit-led conversations, using an unlimited number of questions.  Thoroughness is not possible, nor the goal, rather relationship is the goal.  This is about true interest in another person and celebrating God‘s working in their lives.  

It is about sharing life and even revealing the same about yourself just as you are asking for openness from another.  And by integrating faith questions all along the way you can serve both purposes of evangelism and encouragement, whatever the Lord chooses to do in your time together.

It’s all about relationship, whether you are building significant partnership relationships, or simply seeking to know others and share life with them, especially the life there is in Christ.