The Scary, The Draining, The Needy

What to do with difficult people?

Who is responsible for dealing with the difficult people in a church?  The Apostle Paul instructs the new congregation in Thessalonica that everyone has a responsibility toward everyone else.  He urges all of them to deal with the “difficult people” together; it is not just the responsibility of the leaders.

1 Thessalonians 5:14 ESV “And we urge you, brothers, admonish the idle, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with them all.”

The Scary

They all are to “admonish the idle.”  Other translations include the ideas of being undisciplined in living, being disorderly or unruly, even just plain lazy.  Such people can be scary to be around because of how they live, and what challenging things they might say, especially in the church.  Our tendency is to stay away from scary people so we don’t get hurt or get in trouble with them, hoping someone in the church with more courage will confront them.

The Draining

They all are to “encourage the fainthearted.”  A number of people are given to discouragement and depression.  These are people who often are given to worrying and giving up.  Sometimes faintheartedness is limited to a particularly challenging time in one’s life.  Such people can be draining to be around because our energy gets sapped, and their pessimism rains on our happiness.  Our tendency is to look past draining people, hoping someone in the church with more insight and stamina will counsel them.

The Needy

They all are to “help the weak.”  This category of people could be quite broad, including those of lower social status, or those who yield to persecutions or temptations, or those who are weak in faith in general.  Such people often have a lot of needs that make us uncomfortable and make it hard for us to embrace them.  Our tendency is to inform others about their neediness, hoping someone in the church with more resources will help them.

The Meaning of Patience

The final urging upon everyone is to “be patient” with these three types of people, and certainly all other difficult types they will encounter.  Being patient means not being irritated or annoyed with them as difficult people.  And it means being patient with them in their typically slow progress.  It is very important that they make progress of course, but be prepared that it likely will be very slow.

Our world is impatient with one another and doesn’t care well for those who are different.  So here is an opportunity for each and every Christian community to exhibit the values of the Gospel of the Kingdom.  Churches that admonish, encourage and help difficult people move forward in Christian discipleship and for betterment in life will be blessed and overflow with blessing far beyond just a few difficult people.

Help Your Leaders

Church leaders cannot carry the load by themselves in dealing with all the difficult people.  Often the church leaders have just as hard a time as everyone else does with the scary, the draining, the needy, and all the others.  Don’t let your leaders get worn down and worn out by having to deal with the difficult people all by themselves.  

The Thessalonian letter ends with the encouragement to “greet all the brothers” whenever we gather together.  We are to greet the difficult people, as well, not leaving anyone out, avoiding them or handing them off.  We need to push ourselves past our discomfort.  We each have a responsibility and a role to play in one another’s lives.  

All churches have difficult people needing counsel tailored specifically to them.  And each congregation itself is equipped for this task in its membership, as the Apostle wrote the churches in Rome, “I myself am satisfied about you, my brothers, that you yourselves are full of goodness, filled with all knowledge and able to instruct one another.” (Romans 15:14)  

Will you help?