Three Problems With The Marriage Analogy

Is joining a church like getting married? 

If so, then is leaving and joining another church like getting a divorce and being remarried?  Are there only certain circumstances in which it is allowed?

The Wrong Fit

The analogy between marriage and church membership is a terrible one to make, adhere to or promote.  Marriage is a unique covenant relationship, and it is too strong a bond to compare with belonging to a particular church, or any Christian organization.

It persists in many people’s thinking and pastors’ teachings, bringing unnecessary guilt and shame on those who are looking for another church, or even just thinking about it.  Certainly, there are many good reasons, and likewise many poor reasons, for changing churches.  But, that is another topic for another day.

Also, it can cause angst in pastors and deep pain in congregations when a pastor or staff member moves to another ministry.  This especially distressing because often it is God Himself who is moving His leader and servant to serve another congregation, or work elsewhere in advancing His Kingdom.

Three More Problems

As already alluded to, such an analogy creates burdensome expectations that are too heavy to carry.  Furthermore, because it is an overly intimate analogy it creates unhealthy and confused relationships.  

One problem is that separation is almost automatically seen as negative.  But the reality is that both people and congregations grow and change, and so do life situations.  Instead we should take delight in how God is uniquely at work in one another’s lives!

A second problem is that it can prevent healthy movement among Christians within the one universal Church.  Mobility should not be instinctively lamented or suspiciously evaluated.  Instead, we should prayerfully consider what great things God might be up to, and look joyfully to everyone’s future!

Another problem is that it often hinders the missional purpose of churches.  The analogy forces us toward an inward a focus.  We expect too much from one another in community, and spend a lot of time and resources managing our relating.  Instead, we should be more concerned about fulfilling our commission from Christ to go and make disciples among all the peoples of the world!

The Right Fit

In the end, unintentionally, the analogy cheapens the marriage covenant by suggesting it has an equal or near equal.  Each church is surely a covenant community, but not at the level of a marriage.  Let’s set people free with the realities of real life and biblical truth.

One more thing, this improper analogy denies the higher use of the analogy, the biblical and proper analogy is that the one universal Church is Christ’s bride.  The Lord Jesus would refer to Himself as the Bridegroom.  

The prophets made this comparison repeatedly, especially Hosea and Jeremiah.  The great mystery and parallels of God and His People, Christ and His Church and the husband and wife expounded in Ephesians 5.  

When Christ returns in glory, there will be the Marriage Supper of Lamb and His Bride in Revelation 19, and eternal joy and communion as mentioned in Revelation 21.