I recently returned from a four day trip to the Sierra Nevada. This was a planned manhood experience for my boys, 12 and 13 years old. We spent quality time together, did tough things together, and had the types of conversations and fun men can only have when women are not around.
Our Definition
I presented to them a framed copy of our definition of manhood and the top ten values that will get us there and keep us growing as men for a lifetime. Theirs now hang in their bedrooms and mine in my office. Our definition of being a man is a definition of action:
“A man takes responsibility for those around him, and courageously leads them toward a better future, with God’s truth and in His love, all for the glory of Jesus Christ.”Each of us has memorized this definition, and we even quiz one another to keep it fresh in our minds.
Our Top Ten Values
We have been discussing this definition and the following ten values for a few months. Certainly there are many more values, but ten is a good number, and from these we are able to touch on many other associated values and issues.
1. Spiritual Wisdom
Romans 8:5b–6 “Those who live according to the Spirit set their minds on the things of the Spirit. For to set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace.”
2. Loyalty
One of the best lessons I have learned from other men about raising sons is that we as fathers need to commit ourselves both to times of teaching and to living life together. Neither is sufficient in itself, and both require intentionality.
We can’t just rely on our occasional instruction, or the instruction our sons may get from pastors and teachers, even mothers and others. Fathers need to do it themselves. We can’t just rely on our sons observing our lives and hoping they make the right conclusions by themselves. Fathers need to guide their understanding.
Our discussions take place over breakfast on Fridays. These are not intense scary times, but intentional honest times, and usually kept brief. These days we use three simple questions:
Then, we share stories of examples we have witnessed or experienced, both positive and negative. That’s it. Done. We can encourage and challenge one another from the definition and the values list during the week.
An Enormous Mission Force
When a definition of manhood and a top ten values list is set within the larger context of God’s Mission then they become even more powerful in the lives of men and boys.
It is a huge mistake to think that the goal in all of this is to raise sons with Christian character who love Jesus and will love their families someday. This is good but far from good enough. That goal is too quaint, too small, too simple, and just plain short-sighted.
Many Christian parents believe that raising good moral children who can quote Bible verses will result in great Christian leaders. However, it is naive to think that a strong personal vision for life and community, and strategic involvement for the Kingdom of God will automatically emerge.
Many stop at character, but boys need more. They need a grand vision, a cause with clarity to live and die for! This would be Christ’s Mission for the world. They need a leader to follow who will take them places and give them experiences. They need a man to affirm God’s calling on their lives and their unique gifting from Him. They need godly mission-minded men to lead them into purpose-filled manhood. And they need God’s grace to see God’s glory, for which we pray constantly.
The church should take a close look at the mission field and realize that one of the greatest needs is for more, many more, godly but also successful and effective men who are the type of men who can get the mission done!
How might we raise up an enormous mission force even from our boys? How might we lead them forward on the path from boyhood to manhood with a mission?
(The ideas of creating a manhood definition and a list of values come from Robert Lewis’ book, “Raising a Modern Day Knight.”)
Hosea 6:6 “For I desire steadfast love and not sacrifice, the knowledge of God rather than burnt offerings.”3. Integrity
Proverbs 10:9 “Whoever walks in integrity walks securely, but he who makes his ways crooked will be found out.”4. Generosity
Proverbs 19:6 “Many seek the favor of a generous man, and everyone is a friend to a man who gives gifts.”5. Purity
1 Timothy 4:12 “Let no one despise you for your youth, but set the believers an example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity.”6. Perseverance
Galatians 6:9 “And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.”7. Self-Discipline
1 Timothy 4:7b–8 “Train yourself for godliness; for while bodily training is of some value, godliness is of value in every way, as it holds promise for the present life and also for the life to come.”8. Honor
1 Peter 2:17 “Honor everyone. Love the brotherhood. Fear God. Honor the emperor.”9. Humility
Philippians 2:3 “Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.”10. Sacrificial Leadership
Matthew 20:26b–27 “Whoever would be great among you must be your servant, and whoever would be first among you must be your slave, even as the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”Discipleship is Our Work
One of the best lessons I have learned from other men about raising sons is that we as fathers need to commit ourselves both to times of teaching and to living life together. Neither is sufficient in itself, and both require intentionality.
We can’t just rely on our occasional instruction, or the instruction our sons may get from pastors and teachers, even mothers and others. Fathers need to do it themselves. We can’t just rely on our sons observing our lives and hoping they make the right conclusions by themselves. Fathers need to guide their understanding.
Our discussions take place over breakfast on Fridays. These are not intense scary times, but intentional honest times, and usually kept brief. These days we use three simple questions:
- What is the value and why is it important?
- How does it help in navigating life for success before God and in the world?
- What might it look like for us?
Then, we share stories of examples we have witnessed or experienced, both positive and negative. That’s it. Done. We can encourage and challenge one another from the definition and the values list during the week.
An Enormous Mission Force
When a definition of manhood and a top ten values list is set within the larger context of God’s Mission then they become even more powerful in the lives of men and boys.
It is a huge mistake to think that the goal in all of this is to raise sons with Christian character who love Jesus and will love their families someday. This is good but far from good enough. That goal is too quaint, too small, too simple, and just plain short-sighted.
Many Christian parents believe that raising good moral children who can quote Bible verses will result in great Christian leaders. However, it is naive to think that a strong personal vision for life and community, and strategic involvement for the Kingdom of God will automatically emerge.
Many stop at character, but boys need more. They need a grand vision, a cause with clarity to live and die for! This would be Christ’s Mission for the world. They need a leader to follow who will take them places and give them experiences. They need a man to affirm God’s calling on their lives and their unique gifting from Him. They need godly mission-minded men to lead them into purpose-filled manhood. And they need God’s grace to see God’s glory, for which we pray constantly.
The church should take a close look at the mission field and realize that one of the greatest needs is for more, many more, godly but also successful and effective men who are the type of men who can get the mission done!
How might we raise up an enormous mission force even from our boys? How might we lead them forward on the path from boyhood to manhood with a mission?
(The ideas of creating a manhood definition and a list of values come from Robert Lewis’ book, “Raising a Modern Day Knight.”)
No comments:
Post a Comment